Have a Little Faith In Me

(This article was written last month to be published in the January issue of Pensacola Bella Magazine and is dedicated to Gregory "Wolf" Hodges for lifting me up during a very emotional year and helping me find my voice.)

"When the road gets dark, and you can no longer see, just let my love throw a
spark, and have a little faith in me.” ~lyrics by John Hiatt

Raela at the beach facing the Gulf of Mexico

I went walking on the beach after a month of stay-cation with my love to reflect on the year coming to a close, with toes in the sand in search for my favorite flat scalloped shell. It's always a good sign when I find one perfectly whole, like finding a lucky penny.

That morning was dreary out, and instead of finding the perfect one, I found a few broken ones and still scooped them up. Still beautiful, just fragmented from their journey from the Gulf through undulating tides and finally reaching shore.

This past year presented several forks in the road on the path, each outcome turning into a blessing in the end. It’s good to realize that when things don’t work out the way you expect them to, it’s all part of the journey.

Expressing gratitude and having no expectations was my mantra for 2014.
Finding peace with myself and forgiveness with others for past mistakes while
feeling love for myself after heartbreak the previous year was my intention.

Sharing my truth was my biggest fear. Fate stepped in after a few months of
uncertainty after reconnecting with the love of my life, gaining his support in
helping me share my truth through the music of the Dream Project CD.

I tried fighting the uncertainty, realizing that the man who opened my heart to music nine years ago has always held the key to my heart and was the integral factor in helping me fully find my own voice.

He helped me wholly accept and surrender to my calling after an emotional roller coaster year dealing with loss for several friends, with family members’ depression, and staying on my path after feeling the universe work against me. My mission and passion to help others through music became crystal clear.

At some point in life, we all feel broken. We have to forgive ourselves, love ourselves, and then allow for the love of others into our lives. This is the time of year to cleanse and let go of what no longer serves us, be grateful for its purpose in our lives, and make room for what’s to come in the brand New Year.

Send forgiveness and love out to those you feel you need to, including yourself, with no expectations and see just how much lighter you will feel. Express gratitude for every person and thing in your life.

All it takes is that one person who believes in you, but first you have to believe in yourself. Have faith in yourself and in those who will lift you to higher places and catch you when you fall. Be willing to give love a chance knowing that love will always lead the way. And when life grants you a second chance on love, embrace it. 

  

Gregory and Raela in Nashville

The year brought several unexpected events but in the end it brought true love and clarity. The close of the year also brought a close to my seven year career with Culinary Productions, Inc. I’m grateful for my good friend Mike DeSorbo for taking me in when I needed a job during my darkest time, and for allowing me the flexibility to work on my dreams on the side.  

The CPI crew has and always will be part of my family, but now it’s time to focus solely on my own dreams and allow true love to soar. A retreat near the mountains for the month of January to focus on those dreams is something this beach girl has been waiting for. The beach will always be my sanctuary and the place I call home, and I know it will always be waiting for me.  

  

May this New Year bring you everything your heart and soul desires. 

Sunset on My Soul 

I sit alone, my feet buried in the soft white sand; 

In our special place, the edge of the world, God’s quiet land. 

The sun’s love sheds warmth upon my rested soul; 

As I reflect, this past year God has allowed me to fully let go. 

He whispers softly as each gentle wave reaches the shore; 

He washes over life’s past struggles, soothing the soul ever more. 

Looking back I realize that He sent another soul to help me grow; 

This gentle soul to lead me, a new path of this life he did show. 

We sat at the edge of the world, soaking in God’s blessings on our lives; 

A sacred friendship that will continue to grow and never die. 

I look up now, God speaks through the sun’s rays for us to hear;

Preparing for the final sunset of this strengthening year. 

As God’s light fades into the earth, he plays a familiar tune; 

New hope is shed in the brilliant light of falling stars and the sweet smiling moon.

Written by Sweet Thing for the White Wolf on 12/31/05 

I recently found this poem I wrote for Gregory when we first dated and gave it to him on his birthday. The poem also reflects the past year after reconnecting.   

Bella Magazine January 2015 Article